Thank You, Again

For taking me to dinner, driving me home, picking me up to work, buying me lunch, and showing me everything.

The Most Happiest Time

Terima Kasih

I know you did a big thing today. And I am glad that you did that... for me. Thank you.

Heaven

I was very very very busy lately. With my working in and out of the office, with my edgy situation, with my feeling... with my life... up to the point I realize I didn't spend enough time with my Aria. I skipped a lot of his morning bath time because I had to leave the house so early, and most of the time I came home very late long after he fell asleep.

Yesterday, I was so tired I didn't even remember driving home. I left around 6, and got home by 12... By the time I entered my room, of course my Aria was already in his bed. Since I didn't see him the whole day, I was quite happy to know it was around 12.30, time for his midnight milk. I picked him up and kissed his cheek to wake him up. He didn't open up his eyes, but he drank his milk anyway.

Usually, after he finished his milk I would put him back to his baby box, but I didn't do that last night. I let him sleep in my bed. He slept on his tummy, as usual, his cute face was facing toward me. I wanted to put my arm around his back, but then I saw his little fingers were looking for something, so I gave my hand and he held it like didn't want to let it go. I let my face glued to my baby's forehead, I could smell his scent. I could not remember the last time we slept in the same bed... but I will never forget that my baby was the only one keeping me from falling apart.

With my hand in his hand, it was very uncomfortable position for me. After almost the whole week of exhaustion, even though I was so tired and I knew I would wake up with back pain if I stayed in that position -it really was not a healthy pose, still I felt something better than happy in my heart being so close to my Aria. With Harry Connick Jr. sang More in the background... it almost felt like heaven.



This is one of many moments I want to share with you. Just as I wanted to share the green scenery I enjoyed in the golf course, or the blue ocean I saw when playing with my son by the beach under the morning sun, or the nice book I found in the bookstore, or the silly stories I heard from those executives on that stupid tel-conference, or the Ruth's concert last night .... I really want to share a lot of things, with you. You know who you are.

Funeral Style

Bencong Fashion Editor (BFE): Di, it's been a week....
Gue (G): Of what?
BFE: You are wearing black outfits.
G : So?
BFE: Are you attending a funeral everyday?
G : What?
BFE: I used to see you in pink or red....
G : And?
BFE: Lately you are like someone who will come to a party with dresscode: Six Feet Under. Is anything wrong?
G : Hopefully not.

Closing

All we need is a beautiful closure. And we did it, didn't we?

Our Way

Even if we walk toward different directions now, I still hope that someday we both will find circles so we can turn around and meet again at one point.

Apa Maksudnya?

Why did you say something like that?
Did you think that will make me happy?

STOP IT.

Semoga Bukan Insomnia

Gue nggak bisa tidur tadi malem. Ini memang bukan yang pertama kalinya. Dan gue juga tahu sebabnya. Itu yang bikin sebel. Karena I can't do anything about it. Jengkel. Telat mikir banget. Nggak bisa tidur tentu bikin ngantuk kan? Padahal hari ini ada jadwal wawancara dan pemotretan. Moga2 narasumbernya lagi in a good mood biar gue nggak dijutekin krn pasti gue nanti agak2 error. Huh. Oh ya, rapat redaksi ya jam 10? Haduh. Rasanya pengen minggat aja deh. Males banget. Ini semua gara2 nggak bisa tidur. Sungguh bukan awal hari yang menarik.

The One Who Makes My World Make Sense

Ritual pagi Aria: bangun tidur, main di rumput... sayangnya tadi pagi mata kirinya digigit serangga jadi agak bengkak. Kasihan, Sayangnya Ibu....

Dari Akhir Pekan

Jalan bareng cowok yang nggak pinter... ternyata kurang menyenangkan ya... hehehehe.... maaf... maaf.... Tapi beneran, nggak pengen lagi.

Wish Me Luck

If I am longing for those nice short messages

And I am waiting for those blinking screens

I will always remember what you said

So

Until we meet again.

I Have To Do It

Never thought that it will be this hard.

Addicted to Illusions

"Dee, lagi ngapain?"

"Dee, otw to office?"

"Dee, udah bangun?"

"Dee, can I call you now?"

"Dee, udah mandiin Aria?"


If that was the dark side you wanted me to know... guess that thing didn't change my feeling.

The After Lunch Call

August 29, 2005

14.25

Wish you the best of luck. I am going to miss you.

To My Agony

Evacuee

Each time on my leaving home
I run back to my mother's arms
One last hold and then it's over

Watching me, you know I cry
You wave a kiss to say goodbye
Feel the sky fall down upon me

All I am
A child with promises
All I have
Are miles full of promises of home

If only I could stay with you
My train moves on, you're gone from view
Now I must wait until it's over

Days will pass, your words to me,
It seems so long... eternity
But I must wait until it's over

Enya

Jebakan dalam Hati

Apa betul ini yang gue rasakan? Sekarang gini deh, seberapa cepat perasaan itu hilang? Atau seberapa cepat dia datang? Ada ukuran baku atau nggak?

Gue antara seneng, takut, sedih, bangga... semua campur aduk kayak adonan roti. Tinggal dimasukin loyang trus dimasukin oven...jadi deh...hahaha....

Ini seperti bermain dengan jebakan. Kadang2 ada sisi hati gue yang menyuruh gue untuk ikut bermain, yakin tidak akan terjebak karena gue merasa sudah akrab sekali dengan lorong2 tersembunyi dalam permainan ini. Tapi ternyata oh ternyata, ada titik di mana gue terpaksa terdiam terpaku, menemui bahwa ternyata masih ada juga hal-hal yang belum pernah gue temui sebelumnya.

Tapi gini deh... rasanya nggak mungkin gue nggak pernah bertemu hal itu sebelumnya. Hmm... jadi kepusingan gue bisa jadi karena gue takut akan mengalami lagi terjebak di tempat yang sama. Kok bisa? Susah untuk tidak terjebak karena gue tidak tahu di mana tepatnya jebakan itu berada. Artinya? Gue tidak mengenal hati gue sendiri. Jadi? Gue gila kali ya.

You are not real, anyway....

Game Over

No winner.

No loser.

And I am happy.

The Game

Can we refrain from doing the things we love to do in the next 48 hours?

5 Tahun Lagi

Seseorang bertanya apa yang gue inginkan akan terjadi 5 tahun ke depan?

Pertanyaan itu membuat gue berpikir... agak lama.

Kalau pertanyaan ini diajukan ... hmm... dua tahun lalu, mungkin gue bisa lebih cepat menjawab. Pengen ini itu. Seingat gue, waktu itu gue masih punya sederet 'ambisi pribumi' yang macem2 banget. Seperti menggali kembali kecinaan gue di negeri Cina dan mengulik keprancisan di negaranya sana. Tapi ambisi itu nempel sama keinginan lain yang ternyata bubar di tengah jalan. Ada satu set mimpi yang harus dihapus karena keadaan nggak memungkinkan lagi.

Trus ada Aria. Sebetulnya kehadiran Aria lebih besar unsur kejutannya, karena terus terang gue tidak punya bayangan dia akan datang saat itu. Ini kejutan yang membahagiakan, tentu. Apalagi sekarang dia bener2 jadi penerang hati yang sempurna. Aria datang saat gue harus membangun lagi mimpi2 gue, setelah beberapa mimpi sebelumnya terpaksa kandas, bahkan sebelum dibangun. Dan dengan adanya Aria, mimpi yang gue bangun jadi lebih berwarna, meskipun tentu saja jadi makin kompleks.

Mungkin Aria memang jadi jawaban yang tepat kalau gue harus menjelaskan apa saja keinginan gue 5 tahun lagi. Karena sekarang ini Aria jadi alasan untuk semua yang gue lakukan.

Jadi, apa yang gue inginkan terjadi dalam 5 tahun ke depan? Gue dan Aria bahagia.